The Procrastination Myth
Photo by Graham Holtshausen on Unsplash
I'm Carrie Smolen, a Los Angeles-based therapist specializing in perfectionism and anxiety. In my California therapy practice, I've worked with countless people who describe themselves as chronic procrastinators — people who beat themselves up for being "lazy" or "unmotivated" when the truth is something much more interesting. If you've ever wondered why the productivity hacks never quite stick, I'd like to offer a different way of looking at it.
I don’t believe in procrastination.
I’ll tell you why, but first I’m going to get semantic for a moment, bear with me. According to Merriam-Webster, to procrastinate is, “to put off intentionally the doing of something that should be done.” Right off the bat, the word “intentionally” stands out to me. An intention is, “a determination to act in a certain way,” and to intend is, “to have in mind as a purpose or goal.” So by all those definitions, procrastination is the act of determining, on purpose, to delay doing something that one is supposed to be doing now.
Sure, that’s very linguistically technical, but isn’t it also what we’re all more or less conditioned to believe? We’re taught that procrastination is a symptom of laziness; that if we had enough willpower or motivation, of course we would be able to accomplish everything we ought to be doing in a timely fashion. The problem is us. We’re too lethargic and slothful to stay on task. There are things that we “should” be doing, but we’re choosing not to do them because we’re flawed and unproductive pieces of shit.
If you’re thinking that I’m about to start denouncing productivity culture: you’re right! I am! But only briefly. Because I think if you’re reading this, you’re probably already in on the idea that the intense pressure we feel to hustle and produce all the time is a cruel feature of capitalism; and if you want to read more about that, you can check out writers like Jenny Odell and The Nap Ministry’s Tricia Hersey and many others with lots of important and insightful things to say on the subject.
What I actually want to focus on, is that I don’t think when we talk about procrastination we’re talking about a process that’s the slightest bit intentional. In my work as a therapist, no client that has claimed to, “struggle with procrastination,” has ever described their experience as a choice. The challenge isn’t, “I’m electing to do other things instead of the thing I need to be doing,” but rather, “I just can’t bring myself to do what I need to do.”
Because many of us are conditioned to believe that we can achieve more by “pushing through” despite how we feel, we treat procrastination like a habit we can break with the right optimization tools. We just need a better schedule or a new product, and then we’ll be able to maximize our output with peak efficiency. We treat ourselves with “tough love” like an asshole coach telling their star player, “I’m only so hard on you because I believe in you.” It’s as if believing in ourselves and our potential is diametrically opposed to self-compassion.
So when I say that I don’t believe in procrastination, what I mean is: I don’t believe that we struggle to stay “on task” because we haven’t figured out the right system that will solve all of our productivity issues and help us “adult” better. Don’t get me wrong, I know that some people benefit profoundly from discovering strategies and rhythms that work well for them, and that this is especially prevalent among neurodiverse people. Figuring out how to work with, rather than against, your brain is a deeply powerful thing. That said, I still feel like there’s an important piece of this conversation that’s so often missing.
I believe that procrastination is a stress response. A tendency to procrastinate isn’t a character flaw, it’s signal that we’re taught to ignore.
I imagine that most of you out here reading a therapists’s blog are interested in mental health, and are therefore familiar with the four instinctual stress (or trauma) responses: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. If not, here’s a decent super quick overview. My belief is that what we think of as procrastination lies somewhere between flight and freeze.
When we procrastinate, yes we’re “putting off” doing something, but that delay tends to be accompanied by a sensation of dread, even if subtle. Whether that feeling occurs as you attempt to start the thing you’re trying to do, or even when you just think about doing whatever that thing is, it’s not carelessness standing in the way of action… it’s fear. What are you afraid of exactly? Well, that depends entirely on who you are and what the situation is, but here are a few general guesses/examples:
You’re afraid of not doing the thing you need to do well enough. Often, simply not trying feels safer than potentially failing.
You’re afraid that you don’t have enough time to do what you need to do. What’s the point in starting if you don’t think you’ll be able to meet the deadline?
You fear finishing something. That could mean potentially having to share it with others, which is vulnerable. You also might be afraid of succeeding. Or you could be afraid of not knowing what to do once you’ve completed this particular project.
You have too many things that need doing and you’re afraid that if you focus on one, that inherently means that you’re not able to be doing another.
You’re just generally overwhelmed… which typically goes hand in hand with anxiety which… is fear.
Sound familiar?
What’s the point?
The point is that I think we’re asking the wrong questions when it comes to tackling a “procrastination problem.” We don’t need to fix ourselves and our habits so that we can push past how we’re feeling. We need to actually sit with our emotions and treat them like the inner wisdom they are. I believe that instead of asking, “How can I stop procrastinating?” it makes way more sense to ask: “What am I feeling?” or, “What’s coming up for me when I think about this task?” or even, “How might delaying this be serving me or helping me feel safer?” It’s probably also worth asking, “Why do I even feel the need to do this thing in the first place?” Not because you’re trying to convince yourself that you don’t actually have to do it, but sometimes we can get so lost in the sensation of there being something we “should” be doing that we can lose sight of the why.
Now if all that sounds easier said that done, you’re right. It’s hard work to parse this stuff out! Support from a professional, especially one who specializes in helping people with issues like this, can be a valuable resource if you are able. Either way, I think that even just shifting how we think and talk about what it means to procrastinate can help alleviate some of the guilt and shame around the experience.
If you've spent years trying to "fix" your procrastination and still feel stuck, it might be time to look at what's underneath it. I work with perfectionists and overthinkers across California who are ready to stop fighting themselves. Book a free consultation to get curious with me.
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VIRTUAL THERAPIST • LOS ANGELES
Hi, I’m Carrie (she/her).
A therapist for thoughtful, overwhelmed humans trying to be good people in a complicated world.
As a therapist for folks all over California, most of my work centers on helping clients with issues related to perfectionism and body struggles, including eating disorders.
I love to come along for the ride as people get clearer on who they are, what they need, and how to move through life with more ease, self-trust, and permission to be unapologetically imperfect.